Udderly Ridiculous

Sung to the tune of "The Way It Is" by Bruce Hornsby 
and inspired by the cow-costumed milk shoplifter

The Ballad of Jonathan Payton
(parody by Claire Perkins)

I'm down in the WalMart wasting time
Standing in the checkout line
(My God, I hate this store)
When a man in a cow suit strolls on by
Twenty-six milk jugs and a gleam in his eye
Just for fun he walks right out the door

Well that's just the way it is
Some cows are very strange
Claims there's no milk at home
But I don't believe him

They said, hey little cow you can't go
Stealin' milk that way
You gotta pay like they do
Was it your plan, you silly man
To get away
Did you really think about it
Before you broke the rules
He said, Look

This is the way it is
There ain't no milk at home
Udderly empty fridge
But I don't believe him

Well they passed a law in '64
To give guys who shoplift a little more
Than a slap on the rump
Cause the law won't change another's mind
Unless we brand all their big behinds
We'll have milk stampedes in the stores

And that's just the way it is
Some cows are very strange
Claim there's no milk at home
But don't you believe them